Leaves from the Garden

So, if you're ever bored, the "missed connections" section of Craigslist is greatly amusing. Sample the following, which almost made me piss myself today:

"We were both jogging and you wouldn't leave my side, we found ourselves in the brush, naked and alone. I suckled your beefy butt with my hungry heart. We had no protection, so I had to unload deep into your colon. Why didn't you give me your number? I've been searching for you."