Spammers are fucking weird.
Oct. 26th, 2006 09:17 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
primalephI get the oddest spam at work. Each of the following paragraphs preceded an ad for some stock they wanted me to buy:
A frustrating paycheck assimilates the steam engine. Some pork chop over a grand piano pees on an inferiority complex living with the garbage can. A knowingly dirt-encrusted photon falls in love with the fruit cake. An umbrella brainwashes another parking lot. Some pork chop for the mortician, some globule, and the fractured industrial complex are what made America great!
Furthermore, the fractured tuba player earns frequent flier miles, and an insurance agent toward a line dancer lazily finds lice on the inexorably imaginative movie theater. Now and then, a stoic bullfrog conquers a most difficult cheese wheel. A load bearing plaintiff sweeps the floor, because a cargo bay recognizes a cashier. Furthermore, the class action suit related to a microscope hesitates, and the familiar senator accidentally negotiates a prenuptial agreement with an avocado pit.
(No, I really didn't write these myself. I'm not even sure I could have... to their credit, I guess, these paragraphs did get the messages through our spam filtering system. But damn.)
And then there was the phishing message I got this morning on my personal account, which really pissed me off for a different reason. Have a look:
From: Mrs Rose Martins Toyo
Praise be to the name of God most high.
I am the above named person from Tunisia but now undergoing medical treatment in Abidjan Cote D'ivoire. I was married to Dr.Martins Toyo who worked with Tunisia embassy in ABIDJAN for nine years, before he died in the year 2002. We were both married for eleven years without children. My husband died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both Christians and since his death I decided not to re-marry.
When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of USD5,500, 000.00 (Five Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) in cash,packaged in bundles into a metalic box. Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next Six months due to my cancer illness. Having known my condition and believing the doctor I have decided to donate this fund to avoid total loss to church, Less privilege, or better still a Christian individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein.
I am interested in helping orphanages ,widows and propagating the Gospel and to ensure that the house of God is maintained. Please do not fail to spread the funds across the globe. The Bible made us to understand that it is more blessed to give than to receive. I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are fighting over the properties and I don't want my husband's hard earned money to be misused by their greedy attitude.
I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an UNGODLY manner, hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death since I am a good christian. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. The bible says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health, and because of the presence of my husband's relatives around me always.
I don't want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact information of the lawyer in charge of taking care of negotiations on this and other details that will enable you claim the box from the security company .
The lawyer will issue you a letter of authority/Power of Attorney that will make you the beneficiary of this fund. I want you to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and truth.
Please always be prayerful all through your life. I sent you this mail under severe pains. Any delay in your reply will be detrimental. Please assure me that you will act accordingly.
Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.
Yours in Christ,
Mrs. Rose Martins Toyo.
My reply:
Mrs. Toyo-
I'm very sorry for your loss, and for your current medical problems. However, I have to question your motives, since I've received a great many messages similar to yours that were ultimately fraudulent attempts to bamboozle me out of money. I'm sure you understand.
First of all, while I'm not even sure how you got my e-mail address, what's even more confusing to me is how you seem to be under the impression that I'm Christian. I'm Jewish, and always have been. While I'd be happy to distribute your funds to a worthy Christian organization if that's your wish, I'd certainly understand if you wanted to find someone Christian to do this for you.
I'm confused as to how you couldn't just email someone local to your area, and give that person the power of attorney and the location of the money, since that would save both you and the other person a great deal of time. Are you sure you're being completely honest with me?
Finally, I'm letting you know up front that if I do not receive a response from you, or if your response appears to be "canned" or any type of form letter, rather than a personal response, I will have no choice but to report your message as a spam / phishing attack, since it was unsolicited, and since the circumstances you describe are eerily similar to literally hundreds of phishing messages I've received before. I hope I'm wrong about you, but I seriously doubt that I am.
P.S. If you really are a spammer / phisher, you should know that the lowest circle of Hell is reserved for liars and betrayers. Especially ones who use religion to try to steal from people.
A frustrating paycheck assimilates the steam engine. Some pork chop over a grand piano pees on an inferiority complex living with the garbage can. A knowingly dirt-encrusted photon falls in love with the fruit cake. An umbrella brainwashes another parking lot. Some pork chop for the mortician, some globule, and the fractured industrial complex are what made America great!
Furthermore, the fractured tuba player earns frequent flier miles, and an insurance agent toward a line dancer lazily finds lice on the inexorably imaginative movie theater. Now and then, a stoic bullfrog conquers a most difficult cheese wheel. A load bearing plaintiff sweeps the floor, because a cargo bay recognizes a cashier. Furthermore, the class action suit related to a microscope hesitates, and the familiar senator accidentally negotiates a prenuptial agreement with an avocado pit.
(No, I really didn't write these myself. I'm not even sure I could have... to their credit, I guess, these paragraphs did get the messages through our spam filtering system. But damn.)
And then there was the phishing message I got this morning on my personal account, which really pissed me off for a different reason. Have a look:
From: Mrs Rose Martins Toyo
Praise be to the name of God most high.
I am the above named person from Tunisia but now undergoing medical treatment in Abidjan Cote D'ivoire. I was married to Dr.Martins Toyo who worked with Tunisia embassy in ABIDJAN for nine years, before he died in the year 2002. We were both married for eleven years without children. My husband died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both Christians and since his death I decided not to re-marry.
When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of USD5,500, 000.00 (Five Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) in cash,packaged in bundles into a metalic box. Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next Six months due to my cancer illness. Having known my condition and believing the doctor I have decided to donate this fund to avoid total loss to church, Less privilege, or better still a Christian individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein.
I am interested in helping orphanages ,widows and propagating the Gospel and to ensure that the house of God is maintained. Please do not fail to spread the funds across the globe. The Bible made us to understand that it is more blessed to give than to receive. I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are fighting over the properties and I don't want my husband's hard earned money to be misused by their greedy attitude.
I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an UNGODLY manner, hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death since I am a good christian. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. The bible says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health, and because of the presence of my husband's relatives around me always.
I don't want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact information of the lawyer in charge of taking care of negotiations on this and other details that will enable you claim the box from the security company .
The lawyer will issue you a letter of authority/Power of Attorney that will make you the beneficiary of this fund. I want you to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and truth.
Please always be prayerful all through your life. I sent you this mail under severe pains. Any delay in your reply will be detrimental. Please assure me that you will act accordingly.
Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.
Yours in Christ,
Mrs. Rose Martins Toyo.
My reply:
Mrs. Toyo-
I'm very sorry for your loss, and for your current medical problems. However, I have to question your motives, since I've received a great many messages similar to yours that were ultimately fraudulent attempts to bamboozle me out of money. I'm sure you understand.
First of all, while I'm not even sure how you got my e-mail address, what's even more confusing to me is how you seem to be under the impression that I'm Christian. I'm Jewish, and always have been. While I'd be happy to distribute your funds to a worthy Christian organization if that's your wish, I'd certainly understand if you wanted to find someone Christian to do this for you.
I'm confused as to how you couldn't just email someone local to your area, and give that person the power of attorney and the location of the money, since that would save both you and the other person a great deal of time. Are you sure you're being completely honest with me?
Finally, I'm letting you know up front that if I do not receive a response from you, or if your response appears to be "canned" or any type of form letter, rather than a personal response, I will have no choice but to report your message as a spam / phishing attack, since it was unsolicited, and since the circumstances you describe are eerily similar to literally hundreds of phishing messages I've received before. I hope I'm wrong about you, but I seriously doubt that I am.
P.S. If you really are a spammer / phisher, you should know that the lowest circle of Hell is reserved for liars and betrayers. Especially ones who use religion to try to steal from people.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-10-26 02:32 pm (UTC)*Commence the throwing of pillows*
"A knowingly dirt-encrusted photon falls in love with the fruit cake"/i>
no subject
Date: 2006-10-26 06:54 pm (UTC)