Wisdom from the Cult of Eris yahoogroup

Five Blind Men and an Elephant*

being by
Reverend Loveshade,
Episkopos of the Discordian Division of the
Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild
who ripped it off from the Hindus
From the non-existant Apocrypha Discordia, unauthorized companion to
the Principia Discordia (We realize that, in the era of the very late
20th Century as this is being written, the title and content of this
story are politically incorrect. We apologize for any discomfort, but
ask you to remember that the original story was created long before
political correctness, and is not intended in any way to be offensive
to elephants.)

One day five blind men, who knew nothing of elephants, went to
examine one to find out what it was. Reaching out randomly, each
touched it in a different spot. One man touched the side, one an ear,
one a leg, one a tusk, and one the trunk. Each satisfied that he now
knew the true nature of the beast, they all sat down to discuss it.

"We now know that the elephant is like a wall," said the one who
touched the side. "The evidence is conclusive."

"I believe you are mistaken, sir," said the one who touched an
ear. "The elephant is more like a large fan."

"You are both wrong," said the leg man. "The creature is obviously
like a tree."

"A tree?" questioned the tusk toucher. "How can you mistake a spear
for a tree?"

"What" said the trunk feeler. "A spear is long and round, but anyone
knows it doesn't move. Couldn't you feel the muscles? It's definitely
a type of snake! A blind man could see that" said the fifth blind
man.

The argument grew more heated, and finally escalated into a battle,
for each of the five had followers. This became known as the Battle
of the Five Armies (not to be mistaken for the one described by that
Tolkien fellow).

However, before they could totally destroy themselves, a blind, self-
declared Discordian oracle came along to see what all the fuss was
about. While they were beating the crap out of each other, she
examined the elephant. But instead of stopping after one feel, she
touched the whole thing, including the tail, which felt like a
rope. "It's just a big animal with big sides, ears, feet, tusk teeth,
nose and a skinny tail," she thought. "What a bunch of fools these
guys are."

She then said "Stop! I have discovered the truth. I know who is
right." She being an oracle and all, they stopped and listened and
said "tell us!"

"I have examined the elephant with mine own two hands," she
said, "and I find that you are all right."

"How can this be" they asked. "Can an elephant be a wall and a fan
and a tree and a spear and a snake?" And they were sorely confused.

She explained "the elephant is a great Tree, and on this tree grow
leaves like great Fans to give most wondrous shade and fan the
breeze. And the branches of this tree are like Spears to protect it.
For this is the Tree of Creation and of Eternal Life, and the Great
Serpent hangs still upon it.

"Unfortunately, it is hidden behind a great Wall, which is why it was
not discovered until this very day. It cannot be reached by normal
means.

"However I, in my wisdom, have discovered a Most Holy Rope, by which
the wall may be climbed. And if one touches the tree in the proper
manner which I alone know, you will gain Eternal Life."

They all became highly interested in this, of course.

She then named an extremely high price for her services (Eternal Life
doesn't come cheap), and made quite a bundle.

Moral: Anyone can lead blind men to an elephant, but a Discordian can
charge admission